


Back To You

by tabbytabbytabby



Series: Buddie Prompts [14]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e15 Eddie Begins, First Kiss, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Reassurances, Season/Series 03, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26270359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: When Eddie can't sleep he sees footage of Buck's reaction to him being buried underground. He can't shake the need to check on him, leading to a much needed talk.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie Prompts [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1328720
Comments: 35
Kudos: 469





	Back To You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anyanoconeco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyanoconeco/gifts).



> I've had this fic sitting in my docs for months since anyanoconeco prompted it. And _finally_ inspiration struck and I got it done.  
> Also for the emotional hurt/comfort space on Buddie Bingo

The room is dark, apart from the bright glow of the TV. It’s some commercial Eddie’s not really paying attention to. He’s not sure why he even has it on. Maybe he’s not ready to face the dark room yet. The light at least is a comfort. A way to remind himself that he’s home and he’s safe. In the darkness, come the nightmares. The crippling fear he’d felt when he’d been trapped. The realization that he might never see his son again. See Buck. Or anyone else. 

And what’s worse is the guilt that for a few moments he’d almost let the darkness take him. He’d almost given in.

"Eddie!"

Eddie jolts at the sound of Buck shouting his name. He has the covers thrown off and his legs swung off the bed before he realizes it's not coming from down the hall where Buck is sleeping in the guest room, but the TV.

Eddie grabs the remote and hits the rewind button. He stops when he reaches the lightning crashing and the drill collapsing. 

It's surreal seeing the moment play out like this. Watching as the drill falls and the earth caves in. Just that makes his breathing come harder. It’s one thing to experience it from the other side. To feel the wet earth falling on him but to _see_ it. 

The camera zooms in on something and Buck’s shouting reaches his ears again. Eddie holds his breath, watching as Buck screams and claws at the ground with his bare hands. He knows Buck enough to know that he probably would have kept going if Bobby hadn’t pulled him off.

Seeing the way Buck collapses into Bobby’s arms with a sob has Eddie’s chest aching. 

Eddie had known his team wouldn’t give up on him, that _Buck_ wouldn’t. But this, as startling as it is to see, isn’t surprising. He knows he would have lost it himself if the roles had been reversed and it had been Buck trapped below. 

And just like that, the guilt is back. He’d caused Buck that pain. He’d made him think that he’d lost him. He hadn’t been thinking of anything else but Hayden when he cut the line. That little boy was the most important thing. He knows he’d do it again. But it still doesn’t ease the ache in his chest at knowing what he put Buck through. What he almost put Christopher through.

Eddie stands up and moves towards the door and then down the hall. The door to the guest room is cracked, enough for Eddie to see the faint glow from the TV. Apparently Buck hadn’t been ready to face the darkness either. Just in a different way than Eddie.

Eddie slowly opens the door, not wanting to make any noise in case Buck’s asleep. For a moment, he thinks he is. He’s curled on his side facing away from Eddie so it’s hard to tell. But then he sees Buck’s shoulders shake and catches the sound of his ragged breathing. 

Eddie knows he could leave. He could give Buck his privacy. But he doesn’t want to walk away from this. Buck needs to know he’s here. So he goes to him. He sits down on the edge of the bed and rests his hand on Buck’s back.

“Buck?”

Buck startles at that. He turns to face him, his eyes wide and wet. “Eddie?”

“You okay?” Eddie wants to kick himself for asking. Of course Buck isn’t okay. He just saw him crying for god’s sake. 

“I think you know I’m not,” Buck mutters, running a hand through his hair.

Eddie nods, “Me either.”

“Couldn't sleep?” 

Eddie shakes his head, “No. And then I saw… they played a clip from the call tonight on the news.”

“Oh,” Buck looks down at where his hands are clenching the bedsheets. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “I… Look, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Buck asks, looking up at him.

“For putting you through that,” Eddie shrugs. “I know it wasn’t fair to you. But I had Hayden and then you started pulling me up and I couldn’t just leave him…”

“Eddie you don’t have to explain yourself,” Buck says. “I get it. I would have done the same.”

“I know,” Eddie sighs. “But that doesn’t make it any better. Especially seeing how upset you were. And I get it. I would have been distressed too if you were trapped down there.”

Buck snorts, “Upset? Eddie I… I thought I lost you. I saw that rod collapse and the ground gave in and I thought of you down there all alone and I just… I couldn’t leave. It was irrational. I knew I couldn’t dig my way down there, but I would have if I could.”

“I know,” Eddie says. “I know you would have. And then we both would have been in a mess.”

Buck laughs quietly, “Yeah well, I wasn’t thinking about getting out. Only getting to you.”

“You got to me in other ways,” Eddie tells him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, when I was down there, I was…” he stops and closes his eyes. He takes a shuddering breath, trying to compose himself. It doesn’t work well. He still feels a tear fall down his cheek. It’s quickly wiped away by Buck. The feeling of his hands on his cheeks has him opening his eyes, meeting Buck’s blue ones. 

“Hey,” Buck whispers.

“Hey,” Eddie replies just as softly. 

“What were you saying?” Buck prompts.

It gives Eddie the push he needs to keep going. To admit the truth that’s been weighing heavily on him all night. Because he knows Buck would never judge him for it. Even once it’s out there, he’ll be here just like he always is. 

“I was ready to give up,” Eddie admits, more tears falling down his cheeks. Buck catches them with his thumbs but doesn’t say anything. “I was fighting so hard Buck, trying to find my way out. My lungs hurt and my eyes were stinging and as hard as I pushed it never felt like it was enough. It felt like it would be easier to just let go. And I hate myself for that. I hate that I almost made my son an orphan and left you and…”

“Eddie you were in an impossible situation,” Buck says firmly. “No one can blame you for that, okay? But you didn’t give up, right? You found your way out and back to us. To Christopher.”

“He kept me going,” Eddie admits. “You know, people say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die, and I always thought it was bullshit. But in that moment all I could see was all these little memories of Christopher. And you.”

“Me?”

Eddie nods, “Yeah. You. I kept seeing your face and Christopher’s. Other people’s too, of course. But you and Chris were the biggest part of it. You’re what gave me that push to keep fighting. To find my way back to you.”

Buck duck’s his head and drops one of his hands from Eddie’s face to wipe at his eyes. Alarmed, Eddie reaches out and lifts his chin with his fingers. “Buck?”

“Sorry I just...I felt helpless,” Buck tells him. “Up there while you were trapped. Like I wasn’t doing anything worthwhile to get to you. And then you tell me all that. That’s what you meant when you said I got to you in a different way.”

“It is,” Eddie says. He smiles and brushes his thumb across Buck’s cheek. “You’re the light that helped lead my way home.”

“And Christopher.”

“Of course,” Eddie says. “But in a different way. I…” 

The words are there on the tip of his tongue. The ones he’s been holding back for so long. He’s always been afraid to say them. Afraid that it’ll be too much, and Buck won’t feel the same and he’ll lose him. But looking at him now, he’s not afraid. At least not of saying them, because he knows Buck deserves to hear them. 

“I love you.”

Buck smiles and shakes his head, “You would decide it was a good time to tell me that when we’re both having emotional breakdowns.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow, “Did you not want me to say it?”

“No,” Buck rushes to say. “No, I mean _yes_. I did. I do. I… Oh, fuck it.”

The next moment Buck is there, crowding further into his space. His hands are back on his face and he’s looking at him with such open affection and love that it leaves Eddie as breathless as his kiss does when finally closes that distance between them and fits his lips to Eddie’s.

“I love you too,” Buck murmurs against his lips. “Just don’t ever do something like that again. At least not without me.”

Eddie knows that’s not a promise he can necessarily keep. He’ll always do what he can to keep Buck safe. And Buck knows that too because he’d do the same every single time. But that’s not what Buck needs to hear right now. 

“I’m always going to fight to come home to you and Christopher,” Eddie tells him. “Always.”

“So will I,” Buck assures him.

It’s not a promise that they’ll never put themselves in danger. That’s unavoidable sometimes given the lives they live. But it is an assurance that no matter what happens, what situations they find themselves in, that they’ll always do whatever it takes to get back to each other, to the little family they’ve built, and that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> You can find me [here on tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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